Archive for February 6th, 2011

Hello And Goodbye.

At five thirty this morning, with the low light, the dark brown trees in our backyard carried a covering of fresh white snow. The image was soft almost somber. At seven thirty as the sun light comes over the horizon, that has all been transformed into a sterile world, with crisp detail, each edge clearly defined. I wish life was so black and white. Lately it seems less and less.

I have a younger brother, a father, and husband, he is a good man, with a gentle soul, who’s been cast into the role of Job, a test of sorts. Although I don’t see my brother questioning the injustice of the situation like Job, as he and his children pull together to comfort and share the precious time they have left with his wife, and their Mother. I’m not so sure how well I would do, given the same circumstances.

As my siblings make plans to visit her and my brother; I am struggling with the decision as to what I should do. By going, am I robbing her and her family of the final precious moments they have together, just so I can say hello, and goodbye? If I don’t go, will they think that I don’t care?  I’ve never been in this situation before. I’ve attended my share of funerals for men I’ve worked with, as well as my mother’s. Memorial services, are for the survivor’s, to give condolences to those left behind. Never have I had to say a final good bye to someone still living. What do you say? What if I start to cry? Is it okay to curse, because that is more likely. It all seems so private, something that if placed in the same role, I might do differently.

With nothing more to say;

Talk to you later.


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